I'm listenning to, must admit, an 80s Mix Tape. Well, mix Cd. I just got it at target. I love the 80s, even if they over synthesized everything.
But I mean, an era, or an instrament, that brought us Duran Duran, Gary Numan, When in Rome, Soft Cell, Culture Club, The Go-Gos, The Cure, The Pretenders, Howard Jones, INXS, and The Smiths can't really be bad.
I'm into all music actually. Rock, Hip-Hop, Rap, Classic, Pop. If its got a beat (thats one beat, not 5 different beats competing for attention, if it's that i'd rather put burning hot pokers in my ears) then i will give it a chance.
Some might say that the 80s sucked, but just look back. I mean, yeah, the fads sucked. But the fact that we had the 'wear your clothes with the tags still on' fad is just as bad, if not worse. We cant say anything.
The 80's brought us some of the best (and greatest emo) movies of all time.
After Pretty in Pink, you must admit that you wanted to get that dress and you really wanted to show your friends you could like the popular guy without loosing yourself (and we all wanted Duckie to get someone). We always wanted (or at least I did) to skipp to the ending kiss on Sixteen Candles. We all wanted to get detention so that we could recreate the Breakfast Club, and every girl, wanted to put "Can apply Lip Stick W/Clevage" to their abilities. (And We all personally wanted to figure out how one girl could blay main characters in three of the best movies of that time)
As you saw, I'm wondering weither I should go see that Becoming Jane movie. I probably will. After watching Pride & Prejudice I really want to see it.
I've been in the most contradictory mood lately. I mean, I've been total chic flic since seeing Pride & Prejudice, but then the normal, one of the guys, side of me is screaming to get that skateboard I saw yesterday as soon as possible.
God, that board was cool. Not as cool as the ones I saw on amazon but a good cheap board that'll be good to learn on.
I'm actually wanting to go back to school. I mean, yeah, I've got a tuff load this year but I love the classes I'm in and I really want to get back to Photography. I really think some of the pictures i took are gonna turn out amazing.
Well, thats all 4 now.
L8r guys.
- Location:Home
- Emotion:
Caffinated - iPod Playlist 4 the moment:80s Mix Cd.
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Should I go see Becoming Jane?
0 (0.0%)- Emotion:
questioning
One of my favorite shows is One Tree Hill, and there's this one emo/punk/cheerleader chic who is just so deep and so much like me that its scary. On iTunes they've got this Peyton's Podcast thing (Peyton is the emo punk cheer chic). Well in one of the podcasts she said something...give me a second to find it...
"When I have to make a decision what i always think about is that with every choice, so many other roads are left untraveled. And...I wanna drive those roads. In my car, with the stereo on loud and the sun on my back. because ultimitely i think its true what they say. You know. That life is just a long journey thats made up of a million little road-trips. Or do they say that? Um...if not, then i'll say it. We should be in that car with our friends. Just...Just driving all those roads. Carefully! But still...you know. But instead most of us are looking down, watching each step carefully and then one day we look up and BOOM! thats, thats where we are. Suddenly your married with four kids and your name is, mom. Or your living in france with some guy named Didier and your covered in tattoos and your writing songs for loose zero. Or your...your lost......So. I've decided to look up now. Just, Just a little peak. But when I do i just see a lot of 'what if's' You know. So whats it gonna be? College? Tree Hill For the rest of my life. Art School? Maybe. um. Starting a label, owning a club, managing bands. I don't know and, ya know, its the same for my friends....(skipping a bit here)and maybe I'll never meet Mr.P Sawyer. Or even worse...Like what if I do meet him and I don't even realize it, you know?What if one day I'm standing on the platform waiting for a train and the stranger standing next to me, like a hot, kind of..grungy stranger is totally and completely my soul mate! You know I'm talking like out of 6,502,867,120 people on this planet, and this is MY guy. True destiny. And what if he looks at me and he knows that i'm the one even if i don't, and just at the moment hes going to introduce himself some homeless guy tries to bum change off him. And being the super cool guy that he is he stops to give the homeless guy some change, but then my train pulls in, and i get in, and i speed off to my bleak gray future, and i will never get to be with THE GUY. What if that happens? Or you know what, what if it already happened? You know hat if I've met the guy I'm suppose to be with and i just, I let him slip through my fingers...(not the end but that's all I need to get down)".
Both of those are how I'm feeling. I mean, What if I'm on the wrong road and I end up going to the completely wrong place. Or worse, what if I'm th one who's lost? I just can't handle it. I keep peaking up to try and guess where I'm gonna end up, but it's always a blur. Like a road on a hot day where everything ahead of you seams to be melting and you cant make it out until your there. What if I get there and it's still blurred and when i realize where i'm at i don't want to be there but I cant leave. What if that happens?
Then I think Peyton (played by Hilary something or other) said it exactly as I feel it. I mean, What if that already happened and now I'm never going to meet anyone else and I'm just going to be alone for the rest of my life. Or...or what if I do meet someone and I'm just blinded and i end up feeling terrible for the rest of my life?
- Emotion:
scared - iPod Playlist 4 the moment:Evanescence, Fallen + Peytons Podcast #14
Oh yeah. That reminds me, I'm gonna be co-president of a writing club! I mean what!, how the fuck did that happen? I just showed up to get extra credit in English, then i kind of got pulled into it cause i shared some of my poetry with my teacher (yeah, i know. shouldn't of done that. don't connect w/ the teach as my crazy kind of a friend but really annoying to the point of wanting to shoot something person would say) and she got me to help and at the last meeting at the end of the year she named me co-president, and there it was. I went from (in a little over 2 weeks) just showing up for extra credit to co-presidency. And yeah, i kind of made a connection with my co-president Spencer. He's awesome. I mean, purely amazing. His stories just pull something out of me that i just didn't know i had (cept that one with the cat...that's just funny...okay, wrong story). If you get a chance check them out. writerscafe.org , go to the writers thing and search for Spencer L. It's just the kind of stuff you can't even explain. I swear to you that he is going to be huge in the not so distant future.
Sad thing is he's counted as one of my best friends and we don't really talk. I mean, he sends me his stories for me to read and on the off chance I've written something i think is okay i give it to him. Yeah, I have friends, but i think i have just three that i can really talk to. One I've never even met, the other, well we're just growing apart, and the other...were actually okay...but only three people i think i can be myself around.
Is that sad?
I don't really care now that i think about it. I like being by myself. I love just being able to sit in silence and be alone. I constantly cut myself off from the people around me. I'm the person looking for someone to just like me for me, but i cut myself off and when i don't, i still don't act like myself.
I don't think any of the people i know, really know me. I mean, i don't act like i know them the way they know themselves but since i don't even know me i think, no, i kinda think i know that no one knows me. I don't think I've ever truly opened up with anyone, definitely not with my parents. I leave them to believe that they know everything about me.
Bull Shit. They don't know alot of what i know. They don't know that several of my so-called friends smoke (i will never smoke, smoking bad, very bad, there are better ways to die) They don't know that I've got a crush on alot of the guys at my school (even a few jocks, against my better judgment) They don't know that Jason want my first kiss (or my first boyfriend for that matter) They don't know that me, Jason, Brit, and Brits boyfriend went to Tommies to get milkshakes after the dance at church. And that's just the minor junk.
So in the end here are my final thoughts.
Will this thing last more then 2 entrys?
Will anyone read these, my tired final screams of sadness?
Will I ever find someone who loves me for me?
Will i ever let someone love me for me?
Will my parents (or parents in general for that matter) get a clue?
Will I ever get a true friend?
and lastly
Will I ever stop asking these questions?
Well, heres the answer to that last one.
Goodbye guy's, you've been a great audience.
Good night.
- Emotion:
apathetic
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